Heartbreak and the Holidays

                                     Elam Christmas Tree 2010


Hello, Blog World.  We hope you had a great Thanksgiving and enjoyed some tasty pie!

I had no idea how hard the holidays would be for me.  What do Thanksgiving and Christmas represent for you?  For me, it's a reminder of all I have to be thankful for and the amazing gift of Jesus.  But it's also a time spent with family.   Family.  A word I never thought would evoke such strong emotions, even cause grief in the deepest crevices of my heart.  This Thanksgiving, I was left thinking about the family my heart longs for, and it is truly heartbreaking.  Dictionary.com defines heartbreak as "great sorrow, grief, or anguish."  I think that definition only scratches the surface...it is raw, painful, oppressive.  As worship began at church on Sunday, I was unable to even utter the words "We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes, to the Giver of Life."

Then, my sister-in-law spoke truth to me.  She has learned to ask during times of trial, "What lies are you believing instead of God's truth?"  Immediately I was catapulted back to that cross, and was reminded of one of my favorite passages in Hebrews 12 (The Message): "Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"

I think that says it all...


Infertility:  Thanksgiving brought with it big decisions.  Thanksgiving week, my doctor's appointment revealed that my new medication Femara was not working.  My doctor urged me to come up with a game plan with Harlan, with very few options left to consider:

1.  Expensive laparoscopy  to check for endometriosis and equally expensive daily injections to help me ovulate, with only a 20% chance of pregnancy each time.
2.  Astronomically expensive Invitro Fertilization with a 70% chance of pregnancy the first time. 

We always said we wouldn't even consider IVF.  Here we were yet again, all doors slamming shut.  We began to discuss Adoption vs. IVF, all while praying for God to give us direction.  And direction He gave us!

I had one last trip to the doctor scheduled for Monday to discuss a game plan with my doctor.  During that appointment, there it was!  We discovered another mature follicle, just days away from allowing me to ovulate.  I am still speechless.

Speechless and hopeful.

Adoption:  Adoption is very much still on the table.  As more doors close, adoption becomes a greater reality.  While we remain hopeful that I will conceive, we know God creates families, not us.  The cost of adoption is almost double that of Invitro Fertilization, but there are lots of grants, private donations, and even a tax credit that make adoption costs easier to swallow.  For example, families may qualify for a $13,170 tax credit if they adopt in 2011.  Check it out here.  We continue to seek God's guidance on what to do next.

Baking: Next week, Austin LifeCare will be hosting a Christmas open house to thank all of our volunteers for giving so much of their time and resources to us this year.  Open houses always have goodies, so I'm making quite a few!

Puppy Chow - So easy and so delicious!  Recipe here. 

Toffee - Always a Christmas Favorite.  Recipe here.

Christmas Cupcakes - How adorable are these?  Not sure of the recipe yet, but most likely red velvet...

In other blog news: We are on the cusp of 1000 visits to our blog.  Some big shot blogs may see that kind of traffic in a day.  For the Elam family, it's a big deal.  The journey continues, with you along for the ride!