The Five Year Plan - Guest Post by Harlan

Infertility: When Rachel emphatically said yes to me more than five years ago, I had imagined that we would be childless for a time. Intentionally child free of course. I mean, with the current state of medicine we can plan the perfect time to start a family, right? We both agreed that we wanted to be married for a while and experience life together. Alone. Without a little one running around messing with our independence. We called it the "5 Year Plan."

When friends and family asked about us having kids the first couple of years of our marriage we deferred to the plan. It was an acceptable explanation for most that we wanted to be married for a while without the burden of a totally dependent life. When close friends starting having kids we cringed and reminded ourselves of the plan. It was an enormous relief to me that Rachel was on the same page regarding the plan. I wasn’t ready emotionally and thinking about the cost of parenthood, both to my wallet and my independence, would keep me up at night stressed and anxious. Or would have without the plan.

It wasn’t until about 4 years in that I had any desire at all to start a family. What really kick started my yearning to be a father were the vivid dreams about babies. I believe God uses dreams to speak to us and I think he was giving me a heart for a little one. The feelings I had in these dreams were new and exciting and as close to pure joy I can think of. This started happening more and more and as I talked about them with Rachel we realized we were pretty ready to start our family.

When we asked God’s blessing on our marriage, we assumed He was on board with the plan. We thought we could plan when to have a baby and, therefore, take control of the future of our family. In my experience, when we are comfortable and seemingly in control of our lives, God tends to take a back seat and dependency on Him is less necessary. But when the bottom drops out with news of infertility and the possibility of never having a baby, you realize just how helpless you are.  Consider the following scripture:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

It has been a hard, life changing lesson, but I think Rachel and I have learned to give up the desire of control in our lives and lean on God’s will for our future. We believe with our whole hearts the the Lord determines our steps and have faith that His way is so much better than our own. Oswald Chambers says in My Utmost for His Highest what we are feeling,  “Every now and again, Our Lord lets us see what we would be like if it were not for Himself; it is a justification of what He said - ‘Without Me you can do nothing.’ That is why the bedrock of Christianity is personal, passionate devotion to the Lord Jesus.”

This is the lesson of the 5 Year Plan. Our lives are not our own and apart from God we can do nothing. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Baking: I absolutely cannot wait for Rachel to make her famous (to me at least) Very Cherry Pie. It’s one of my favorite sweets she bakes. It’s so good, in fact, that I have her bake it when there is no one else to share it with so I can have it all to myself. Gluttony is a sin that I’ll address in a future post. 

The pie is based loosely on this recipe.  Rachel makes a few modifications, like mixing sour and dark sweet cherries for the filling.  

In other medical news:  Rachel is trying a new fertility drug called Femara (details here).  It has been shown to be effective in helping women with PCOS ovulate.  Next Tuesday, she'll go to the doctor  to see if the medicine is doing it's job.  Keep those prayers coming!