Letting Go

Harper Grayce is 7 months old.  I'm still in shock at the rapid pace in which we seem to be running through life right now.  I can't seem to keep this girl a baby.  Here's what Harper can do now:


-Say "momma" and "dada".  It melts my heart.  She's really loud when she talks, and she likes to converse pretty much all day.  Such a girl, right?


-Drink water from a sippy cup.  She loves that cup!

-Eat a wide range of foods.  She hates peas and avacado.  A lot.

-Plank.  She's really close to crawling, and she does this all the time:

Harper was dedicated at church on Mother's Day, which was a really special day for our us.  We were able to stand in front of our church family, as well as our own families, and ask for help in raising our little girl.  It was surreal to publicly give her to back to God.  We know we can never raise this precious one without His help!

Letting Go


I have such a hard time letting go, blog world.  Read my blog, and you'll see.  I have made a commitment to completely wean from pumping by the time Harper's 8 months, and that's literally just a week away.  Pumping has allowed Harper to become such a healthy girl, and it has been so special to provide this food for her, as hard as it has been on me.  I still haven't slept more than 5 hours at a stretch since Harper was born.  My body is very tired.


If I'm really honest, weaning also means coming face to face with reality again.  When the milk dries up, I may come face to face with my infertility.  Will my PCOS rear it's ugly head again?  I just don't know that I'm ready to find out.  I'm so very scared.


All my wants, all my fears, have been rising to the surface.  I want Harper to have a sibling.  I want to be able to have more children.  I want to be normal.


Then, I look at Harper Grayce.  This active, happy, chunky girl in my arms with the most gorgeous blue eyes.  My miracle.

God is faithful.  God is faithful.  God is faithful.  I repeat it every day.  He has never left my side, and He has provided good things.  I hear Him ask me: "Rachel, am I enough for you?  Will you trust me?"


Oh, God.  You are all I need.  So...I'm letting go.  Stepping off the edge of the cliff.  Let the adventure begin.  


Phillipians 4:6-7 (The Message) ^"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Half a Year of Adventures

I have to tell you, blog world.  My baby girl has become quite the mover.  I used to have a little down time to write a blog post, throw in a load of laundry, or maybe eat, but that's getting more and more challenging.  Harper has learned that rolling can get her from A to B very quickly (and it's getting her in to trouble), and she's REALLY trying to crawl.  Her naps have been shorter and shorter (eek), so I apologize that my posts are becoming fewer and further between!

Adventures in Pumping

I also have to say, I'm really proud of myself!  Next week, I will have been pumping for 7 months!  SEVEN MONTHS!  I really can't believe it, and honestly, I'm so sick of it!  I plan on weening over the next few weeks.  It's very bittersweet, but with my freezer stockpile, I know my baby girl will have gotten Momma's Milk for much longer than I could have dreamed.  One night, Harlan and I jokingly decided to calculate how much time I had spent hooked up to the pump.  We calculated based on 6 months of pumping, so now these numbers are even greater.  It's really crazy when you look at it this way:

Pumping 8 times/day x 7 days/week - 52 times
52 x 4 weeks (one month) - 208 times/month
208 x 6 months - 1,248 times
20 minutes/pump session x 1,248 - 24,960 minutes
24,960 divided by 60 minutes (1 hour) - 416 hours
416 hours divided by 24 hours (1 day) - 17.3 days

So, I basically have been pumping for close to 20 days straight, if you were to squish all my pumping sessions together.  20 days, no rest, just sitting at the pump.  Insane.

Over the last 7 months, I have actually gone through 4 pumps.  The first brand I got (before I ever thought I'd be on this journey) broke 3 times.  After 2 replacements, I finally got a refund and purchased a new pump.  Shockingly, I discovered my first pump was really subpar and am actually producing 3+ ounces more with my new pump.  I really couldn't believe it and have been freezing as much as I can as I prepare to ween.  But, enough about pumping!

Family Adventures

We've had some crazy adventures of the past 6+ months of Harper's life.  She's gone from barely fitting into premie clothing to being in the 80th percentile for weight!  We're so proud of how healthy she is.  On top of that, she's such a happy girl.  She's just so content, for the most part, and her smile and laugh still melt me into a puddle every day.  What an undeserved, precious gift she is!

Family adventures are happening all the time as well.  Just this past weekend, we discovered a highway in Georgetown that does not have a gas station for MILES.  How do we know that?  Because we ran out of gas on the way to a company picnic.  Can you imagine being in the middle of nowhere with a baby and your car runs out of gas?  Awful.  Thankfully, we were close to a little business owned by a wonderful couple who helped us out.  We were so grateful!

Harper took her first long car trip to visit her grandparents 2 hours away.  We packed up what seemed like our whole house for a short weekend trip and Harper did great!  Here she is with Big Daddy, her grandfather:

We have also learned that "blow outs" aka poop explosions happen at the most inconvenient times.  Harper had one at Kerby Lane and almost destroyed her car seat.  I wish there was a way to throw an entire car seat into the washing machine...

Baking Adventures

I am still baking!  A lot.  A lot more than I should.  Here are a few of my most recent creations:

Smores Bars - Cooking with My Kid 

I've seen smores cupcakes, cakes, cookies, but I hadn't seen bars before.  I decided to try them out.  Whoa.  They're really yum.

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies - Rodelle

I got some fancy Rodelle Cocoa Powder at the store and browsed through the recipes on their website.  Panera Bread makes delicious crinkle cookies, so I decided to try out a crinkle recipe I found.  I highly recommend making them.  They're different, super easy, and really tasty.

Summer's almost upon us, and we're looking forward to spending a lot of time at the pool.  It's too hot to do anything else!  Thanks for sticking with me and my blogging hiatus!