One Day at a Time

One moment at a time...

I always dreamed of the way we'd finally find out we were pregnant.  The joy of telling Harlan the news.  The creative way we'd tell our family and friends.   Awaiting lab results that day, I never thought this is what I'd hear on the phone:  "You're pregnant, but we're very concerned."  Harlan was at work, and I had planned on using this day to spend time alone in prayer, asking God for direction and peace while traveling this road called Infertility.  Instead, I was reduced to a crying mess, unsure of how this could be happening, just 4 days before Christmas.

The next week was filled with more lab tests, ultrasounds, and somehow Christmas happened in there, too.  It is a total blur, as if Christmas came and went without me this year.  On the 27th, we finally got the news:  My pregnancy was ectopic.

We prayed fervently against an ectopic pregnancy.  We prayed for a miracle to occur.  Little Elam decided to take up residency in my fallopian tube instead of my uterus, which is extremely dangerous and sometimes fatal if left untreated.   Thankfully, we caught it before I would have to have surgery, but that day we said goodbye to our little one.  A good friend reminded me that we have much to be thankful for.  Little Elam never had to experience the grief or sorrow this world can bring.  He/she is now resting safely in the arms of Jesus.

I thought about ending the blog.  Too hard to write this stuff down.  However, someone else out there might be going through this very thing right now.  I hope that by sharing, someone else may feel a little less alone.  I heard this song last night and was immediately reduced to a crying mess again (Sorry for the cheesy YouTube video, but I wanted you to see the words).

Running to Jesus is all I can do right now.   At this point, it's more like crawling for me.  I know He's there in the midst of it, whether I can feel it or not.  As my precious friend Kristine says, "Thank you, Lord, that faith is not a feeling."

So, we welcome in 2011.  Each day, I feel a bit more hope begin to poke its way through the ashes...

"You did it: you changed wild lament
      into whirling dance;
   You ripped off my black mourning band
      and decked me with wildflowers.
   I'm about to burst with song;
      I can't keep quiet about you.
   God, my God,
      I can't thank you enough."

Psalm 30:11 was shared with me by so many friends and family members that I thought I'd share it with you (I like The Message version).   I look forward to exchanging my weeping for laughing and mourning for dancing.  One day at a time...

Such a beautiful smile!

That is one gorgeous, happy smile.  Don't you agree?  And no, it's not a pregnancy test, it's an ovulation test.  Only the 4th time this year I've gotten one of these happy faces!

We have an IUI scheduled for 11:45 today!  Pray with us!

Why Start a Blog Now?

The infertility journey is a long and painful one.  We hope this blog will bring comfort to those who may be on a similar journey.   We also believe adoption is close to God's heart and hope to bring awareness to this global issue.  We love sweets and hope to share tasty recipes with you!

Infertility: Here's where we'll be chronicling our journey.  Here's the latest.  I (Rachel) have PCOS (info here).  What's that, you ask?  It basically means starting a family of our own will be difficult and requires doctor intervention.  However, we think God is bigger.  We're taking some time to try some less invasive treatments, like acupuncture.  We're prayerful that this will help!  Here's what God has to say about it: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)  Much easier said than done, but we know God is all good, all the time.  

Adoption:  We just came back from the Together for Adoption conference (http://www.togetherforadoption.org/).  God placed adoption on our hearts even before I was diagnosed with PCOS.  We know we want to adopt and are praying for God's timing.  At this point, we've narrowed our search to a domestic infant adoption. 

Baking:  Today I'll be baking these gems.  Pictures soon to follow (recipe below)

Frosted Pumpkin Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup shortening
• 2 cups packed brown sugar
• 1 can (15 ounces) solid-pack pumpkin
• 4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 1 cup chopped dates
• 
  CARAMEL FROSTING:
• 1/2 cup butter, cubed
• 1-1/2 cups packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 teaspoon maple flavoring
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 to 2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

Directions

• In a large bowl, cream shortening and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in pumpkin. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt; gradually add to pumpkin mixture and mix well. Stir in pecans and dates.
• Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 2 in. apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 375° for 13-15 minutes or until firm.
• Meanwhile, for frosting, combine the butter, brown sugar and milk in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly; boil for 3 minutes. Remove from the heat; stir in maple flavoring and vanilla.
• Cool slightly; beat in enough confectioners' sugar to achieve spreading consistency. Remove cookies to wire racks; frost while warm. Yield: 6-1/2 dozen.

Tip of the Day:  Never ask your friends when they'll be starting a family of their own.  We know this question is never meant to be hurtful, but it can be very painful for someone experiencing infertility.