Goodbye, First Trimester

Happy Almost-April, everyone!  April is exciting for us - We're out of the first trimester!  Our 12 week sonogram showed a healthy, growing baby, so we are over-the-moon grateful.  I'm experiencing a lot less nausea, which has made a world of difference!  I'm still crying at every sappy commercial on TV (Darn you, Humane Society/Sarah Mclaughlin commercial!) and sad song on the radio, so I'm confident my hormones are still CRAZY!

Here's a picture of Baby Elam at just over 12 weeks.  At 14 weeks, I've been told by a sonographer at work that we'll be able to determine the sex of the baby.  We'll see if Baby Elam cooperates...Right now, he/she is quite the jumpin' bean!

A Word On Suffering 

(Infertility and Pregnancy Loss)

While I am astounded every day by what God is doing and grateful for this miracle I'm experiencing, I have not forgotten the suffering that comes with infertility and pregnancy loss.  I have many friends who have recently lost a baby or are still praying for God to allow them to start a family.  I know this pain.  I grieve these losses.  It breaks my heart and reminds me of all God is continuing to teach me about Himself. 

Friends, I pray for you every day.  You are on my heart.  This week, I have been focusing on Isaiah 53 through Bible study.  Isaiah 53 is one of the most quoted chapters in the Bible, which means it can lose some of it's significance when you've heard it many times before.  This week, I prayed for God to give me new eyes to see this chapter, and I pray you'll read it and experience the same. 

I know everyone reading this blog does not have the same faith background as I do, but Isaiah 53 is the foundation and basis for what I believe.   It discusses the incredible price Jesus paid and the suffering He endured that I might be made whole, no matter what I've done and regret or will do in the future.  Please take the time to read it, especially as we approach Easter and the true reasons we celebrate. 

So friends, take heart, because "though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16)."  Be reminded of our Savior, who suffered more than we can even imagine.  Know that He has experienced the pain you feel.  I love you and can't wait to see what God has in store.

Isaiah 53:5 - "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

Blog Update:

Thanks for reading, everyone.  Check back soon, because my hubby will be writing a guest post!  Are you excited?  I am!  I love the way that man writes...

Harlan also has a fundraiser for the March of Dimes coming up at work, so I'll be making several varieties of muffins for the event.  I'm trying to think of something more exciting than blueberry, so if you have any ideas or have tried something delicious lately, let me know! 

Dilemmas

Birthing Center vs. Hospital Birth

Wow!  Time is flying!  My goal has been at least one blog post a week, but I'm not doing a very good job of that...

I'm just a week and a half out from the end of the first trimester.  I've been sick pretty much all day, with a double dose of nausea each night.  We're praying for some relief after the first trimester ends.  So, what have we been up to the last few weeks?  Trying to make a decision - birthing center vs. hospital...

Working at a pregnancy center means I've heard every story in the book on delivering a baby.  I've been present at the birth of 2 of our clients and have even been in the room during a C-section.  All this, and watching a few documentaries on birth, has left me with VERY strong opinions about the way I'd like things to go.  When I'm in pain, I'm a mover.  If I get chained to a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors and IVs for what could be a long labor, I'm not going to do so well!

I went to a regular OBGYN office for my 9 week check up.  We waited over 2 hours just to see the doctor, then waited another half hour in the exam room.  Here's Seinfeld's take on waiting rooms:

When I finally met the doctor, who came highly recommended, he spent about 5 minutes with us.  I didn't have time to ask any questions!  The only high point was seeing Baby Elam again.  At just over 9 weeks, he/she was already so active! 

Next, Harlan and I visited a birthing center.  We had a wonderful tour of the facilities, which were just beautiful.  We met with a midwife, who discussed the pregnancy so far and what to expect in the months to come.  Overall, we loved it.  But, there's still that little voice in the back of my mind, wondering about complications and what might happen if things go wrong.

Then, I talked with a Doula who volunteers at the pregnancy center, and she told me about a hospital-based midwifery practice here in Austin!  The practice is run by 3 OBGYNs and 4 midwives, and they're all about allowing you to labor in the way you see fit, with as little intervention as possible.  You're still at the hospital if something should go wrong.  We feel like we've final found the middle ground and are breathing a sigh of relief!  We have our first appointment with them in a few weeks, so fingers crossed!

Baking:

I made the cute little pies I shared with you last time.  They were super easy, and look how darling they are!

One of my coworkers celebrated her birthday last week, so I made these delicious lemon blueberry cupcakes for the occasion.  I'm really proud of the way they turned out!  Recipe here.

I also found a new baking blog I can't stop looking at.  I want to make every darn thing this lady makes.  Check it out: http://sweetapolita.com/blog/

I thought I'd leave you with the just over 9 week picture of Baby Elam.  Enjoy!

Thank you, Lord, for this amazing miracle. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Goodbye TFC - Hello Baby Elam

Today was a really big day for us.  We had our final appointment at the Texas Fertility Center.  I thought this day would be so exciting, an end to the battle with infertility and the start of a whole new chapter.  But, it was bittersweet.  We've been through so much this past year, and my doctor and nurses have been there each step of the way.  They've become like family.  How many doctors do you know who will cry tears of sorrow when you lose a baby and tears of joy as you listen to the baby's heartbeat together?  We're looking forward to the day we get to introduce them to Baby Elam in the flesh!

Baby Elam put on quite a show during our appointment.  He/she (I think it's a he) was moving around, showing off arms and legs.  Absolutely incredible.  I have never been more in awe of this miracle - "fearfully and wonderfully made" takes on a whole new meaning.  I thank God every day for making the impossible possible for us. 


What I'm learning:  Fear.  I have discovered I have a tendency to be fearful.  During the infertility journey, I feared never being able to get pregnant, watching all my friends start families and leaving me behind, wondering how long this battle would last.  I thought pregnancy would leave nothing left to fear!

Then, we lost a baby.  Finding out we were pregnant again was very mixed for me.  I was almost afraid to get too excited, just in case we lost this baby, too.  Every day I wake up praying the baby's heart is still beating, fearing today is the day I'll find out we're no longer pregnant.  Is this how it's supposed to be for the next 7 months?  I'm learning in a new way that this is not God's plan for me.  He says:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Was God with us when we lost our first baby?  Absolutely, with out a shadow of a doubt. I know He will never leave our side and already has a plan for this precious new baby.  How can I fear in light of that truth?  Can't wait to see what He has in store...

Baking

I bake at night.  Now, I feel SO SICK at night.  I'm lucky if I keep my dinner down at night!  I have missed baking for the past two weeks, but the thought of the smell is enough for me to abstain.  I have a long list of goodies I plan to bake, so I thought I'd share those with you:

Mini Chocolate Chip Muffins - Recipe here

 I'm always on the lookout for ways to use my mini muffin pan, and these look so delicious!

Mini Cherry Pies - Recipe here


How adorable are these?  AND, you can use a muffin pan to make them.  I hope to make them soon!


Coconut Scones - Recipe here

Springtime is almost here, and these just seem Springy to me.  I love coconut!

What do you think?

Birthing Center or Hospital birth?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

What?! We're pregnant???

Definitely not the words I thought I'd ever say...

Clue #1 - On the way home from an out-of-town trip, I burst into tears because I was hungry and we had skipped lunch.  Um, not normal.

Clue #2 - I could smell every ingredient in Harlan's lunch from the other end of the house.

Clue #3 - I put away an entire bowl of Pho for dinner one night.  Have you seen the size of those bowls?

Clue #4 - Hugs became excruciatingly painful.  That's all the detail I can give there...

Each time something strange would happen, I'd toss it aside.  I mean, we were just 6 weeks out from our ectopic pregnancy.  These were most likely phantom symptoms and my mind was playing tricks on me.  After a week or so, I decided to stop worrying and just take a pregnancy test. 

And I almost fainted...

IT WAS POSITIVE!!!

Panic set in almost immediately, so I grabbed the phone and called my doctor.  Could a baby survive after my body had endured the painful effects of a Methotrexate shot for the ectopic pregnancy?  Would everything be okay?  My doctor requested I immediately go to the lab for blood work and scheduled an ultrasound.  I have never been more terrified as I waited for the results!

Then, the call came.  "Congratulations!  Your HCG and Progesterone look great, and according to the numbers, you're almost 6 weeks pregnant."  WHAT?  No. Way.

The next day, we headed to the doctor for an ultrasound.  What did we see?  A precious gestational sac and yolk sac.  There wasn't a dry eye in the place.  My doctor's words:  "I'm speechless".  Praise you, Jesus!  You leave us speechless because You are SO GOOD. 

I was measuring closer to 5 weeks, so we were still too early to see a heartbeat.  We scheduled another ultrasound for a week later, and it was the slowest week of my life! When the day finally arrived, I prepared myself for the reality that there could be no heartbeat.  I prayed every moment on that exam table, and then I heard those amazing words:  "There's the heartbeat!"  Oh, thank you Lord, for creating such an extraordinary miracle, and a precious heartbeat going at 123 bpm. Normal.  Healthy.

My doctor cried.  I got hugs from nurses, including the one who helped us get through our previous pregnancy.  Harlan and I cried.  That little flickering heartbeat brings me to tears every time I think about it.

In 2 weeks, we go back to the fertility center one last time to check on the baby's progress.  At that point, the chance of miscarriage goes down to less than 3% and I'll be turned back over to my regular OB. 

2 more weeks.  This experience opens up a whole new realm of faith, a whole new reliance and trust that God will protect our little one, help him/her grow strong, and hopefully be in our arms in 7 months or so.  We continue to cry out to Him.  Will you pray with us?

So, to sum it up, we're pregnant!  Naturally pregnant, without any crazy drugs, IUI's, surgeries, or ovulation tests.   It happened just a few short weeks after the loss of our first little Elam.  Baby Elam #2 is due to arrive in early October. Can you believe it?  To God be all the glory.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory... in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag - Part Two

 

"LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things..." Isaiah 25:1

Story to come...

The Mega Post!

 *This pic was taken my sophomore year in college on an ice day.


Whew!  Sorry for the short blogging hiatus - Austin had its once a year, "barely snowing, so let's shut down the whole city" day last week, and things have been busy, busy.  I've baked a lot, had my first doctor's appointment since the pregnancy...lots has happened, so it's time for an update!

Infertility:  It's been a hard few weeks.  The reality of being back at square one has really hit home.  I've really been enjoying not being at the doctor every other day, having ultrasounds, using ovulation predictor kits, and wondering what part of my cycle I'm on.  Yesterday marked 6 weeks since the ectopic, and at 8 weeks we're cleared to start trying again.  Yikes!

We went back to our doctor for a consultation yesterday.  I felt a little sick driving in to the parking lot.  Part of me stills prays that I'll have regular cycles and won't have to step foot into the Texas Fertility Center ever again!  Can I hear an Amen?

I've also been rebelling against the idea of a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis.  Exploratory, elective surgery isn't on my list of things I'm just DYING to do.  However, since my pregnancy was ectopic, my doctor strongly recommends the surgery before attempting any more treatments.  The other option, of course, is In Vitro.  I know without a doubt that I am just not ready to go there yet.  I've been in constant prayer for direction and wisdom, so I'm trusting my gut that IVF is not the direction to go right now.

What does that mean?  Surgery.  Ugh...

The upside is that my doctor will take pictures of my insides so we can all see what's going on in there.  I'll make sure to post all those here once we get them.  Just kidding - I don't need any creepy pictures of myself (or rather, my guts) floating around the internet.  


Baking:  I've been baking, baking, baking!  I've got more up my sleeve for Valentine's Day as well!

Peanut Butter Brownies with Chocolate Ganache - Recipe here

YUM!  I baked these for a meeting at work.  The only thing I'd change is the peanut butter ratio.  They had just a hint of peanut butter, and I like more of a punch, like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

Blondies - Recipe here

Blondies are my go-to dessert when I need something I can make quickly.  As you can see, they can be made with all sorts of yummy ingredients.  I stuck with the classic chocolate chip variety this time, because chocolate is my favorite thing.

Chocolate Stout Cake - Recipe here

Oh my goodness - I LOVE this recipe.  It calls for stout, like Guiness, but Harlan had some Brooklynn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout!  It really intensifies the flavor!  My mother and father-in-law both celebrated birthdays last week, so I brought this to celebrate with them last weekend.  I'd show you a picture of my own cake, but sadly, it's all gone!

Up Next...Valentine Whoopie Pies - Hooray!

How absolutely adorable are these?  I found the pans at Sur la Table, and now they're on sale!  Go get one for yourself.  The pan comes with recipes for both the cake and filling.  I can't tell you how excited I am to make these!

In other blog news:

Words can't express how much I appreciate my friend Kristine.  We've gone through a lot of the same things in regards to infertility, and she is such a wonderful example to me.  She has offered so much encouragement, and I know God has something extra special planned for her!

Last week, she gave me this album Steven Curtis Chapman wrote after the tragic death of his little girl.  The music is raw, heartbreaking, and moving.  It has really touched me, encouraged me, and shown me more about the love my Father has for me. 

There's one about God's faithfulness.  I thought I'd share it with you:

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord."

Lamentations 3:22-25 

Dancing in the Minefields

Harlan and I have decided this is our theme song.  If you've been married any length of time, this song probably rings true for you, too.  I highly recommend listening to the whole thing.

My favorite part is this:

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause He promised not to leave us
And His promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

New baking and infertility updates coming soon!