Reopening Old Wounds

As I write this, I'm looking around my living room at the little trails my sweet toddler has made.  Tupperware lids from the kitchen, an old box from Christmas, Dr. Suess books, and pieces of fake food from her new kitchen - I am blessed indeed in the very busy life I live.

Harper Grayce is 15 months old.  She's independent, smart, sassy, and makes me laugh every day.  She's constantly talking (very loudly), and I'm actually starting to understand her little language that doesn't quite sound like English yet.  Every day -- and I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY -- I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be her mother.  Here's a few snapshots from the last few months.

And...The Update

I went back to the Fertility Center last week.  There.  I said it.  I feel better!

I prayed my brains out that God would heal me of PCOS and we would be able to have an easier time bringing another baby in to the world.  Harper literally runs up to other children on the playground with a huge smile on her face and wants to play and interact.  She loves people, especially children, so we really want to add another member to our family.

Unfortunately, my body is still the same.

It makes me sad.

Going to the Fertility Center is like reopening an old wound.  That wound had almost healed, but it came right back open when I stepped through those doors.  My doctor confirmed that I would need to take meds in order to try for a baby, so I have started my first round of Femara in hopes we will be able to try for another Elam.

When I started this blog over 2 years ago, I wasn't sure what God had in store for me.  We had a rough year, but in the end, I held my newborn daughter in my arms.  Now, that teeny girl calls me "Momma" and plants sloppy kisses on me even when she wasn't invited.

As I look back on my journey, I am left wondering what I didn't learn the first time around.  Why does God want me to go through all this pain again?  Then, I wonder if I'm looking at it wrong.  This journey means a closer walk with Jesus, and a constant reminder that God is in control.  Better yet, His plans are for my good, and they make me more mature and complete.

Just as I learned so much from the book of Isaiah during my first battle with infertility, so God is teaching me through my study of Genesis, and more specifically, the life of Abraham.  Just this week, I read this verse:

"Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised" Romans 4:20-21

As I start this journey again, I want that to be my anthem.  I don't want to waver through unbelief.  I want this experience to strengthen my faith, give God all the glory.  He has the power to add an Elam to our family!

Will you pray this with me, blog friends?  I surely need it.

Much love,

Rachel

Letting Go In A Whole New Way

Folks, take a look at that picture (above).  When Harlan compared it to Harper's 9 month picture, I didn't know what to do.  Actually, I'll tell you what I did - I had a good cry.  Harper Grayce is becoming less and less a baby and more and more a little girl every day.  

In a few short weeks, she'll be a year old.  Moving in to toddler-land.  Yikes.  We're having tons of fun and staying oh-so-busy every single day.  See for yourself:

She's on the move and getting closer and closer to walking.  Here she is looking out the window with her big sister Lucy.  

It's rare to see Harper without "pink friend," as we lovingly call the dog toy she's head-over-heels about.  She loves that thing!  I ran it through the washing machine several times since it's been a literal dog toy for the past few years.  Poor Lucy dog, Harper has stolen your toy.  Thanks for sharing...

Harper outgrew her bathing suit before the end of pool season, so we tried on the bikini "Auntie" Aynne got for her before she was born.  Adorable. 

Little Girl growing up so fast.  Absolutely gorgeous, if you don't mind me saying so...

Her hair's growing, too!  It's really hard to style! So many curls!

Who knew it would be so emotional watching your child grow up so fast .  I have tried to soak up every moment of her first year, but time just won't stand still for me.  Just the other day, as I was reading one of her favorite books for the millionth time, I realized she had placed one of her chubby hands on top of mine.  Precious little moments...

I'm learning more and more that much of parenthood is letting go.  Letting go of hands so they can walk on their own, ride off on that bike, walk into kindergarten on the first day of school.  God, take hold of this momma's emotions, or I'm going to be a wreck for this child's entire life.  So bittersweet, watching them grow...

Bigger, less emotional posts coming soon.  Bear with me!

And the winner is...

Cassidy!

I used random.org to determine the winner.  Cassidy will get a ruffle headband of her choice!  Congrats!

Thanks for entering!  Remember - If you like GingerPop Boutique on Facebook, you'll receive 15% any orders for the entire month of August!  Contact me on Etsy or Facebook to receive your code.

Harper Grayce will be 10 months old on Saturday.  More fun pictures comin' up!

Meet GingerPop - Another Blog Giveaway!

Harper Grayce is 9 months old!  She's busier than ever and is pulling up, cruising on furniture, and crawling at the speed of light.  She also finally has her 2 bottom teeth.  It seemed like they would never cut through her gums, and we had many tearful nights of sore gums before they broke through.  Here's our happy girl:

She's starting to skip lots of naps.  Not so fun for Mama...

So grateful for such a happy baby girl.  Here she is in a full-on laugh:

4th of July pool fun

Swimming with Mema

Harper loves standing and looking out the window.  Here she is showing off her curly hair: 

She is so curious.  She's loving exploring the house, and she doesn't like to be told 'no'.  Oh, boy...

I'm also excited to announce the grand opening of my hair accessories store, GingerPop Boutique!  It's been a long time comin', and I'm super pumped to be in business.  I couldn't think of any better way to celebrate than to have another giveaway!

You can win a headband from my brand new line of Ruffle Flowers, just added to my Etsy store today!  You'll have your choice of 3 colors:

Here's what you need to do:

1.  Check out GingerPop on Etsy
2.  Leave a comment on my blog and let me know which of my designs you like the most.
3.  Like GingerPop's page on Facebook

For extra credit, and an extra entry into the giveaway, follow and retweet @GingerPopBands and this giveaway on Twitter!  Giveaway announced on July 30th.  Thanks for your support!  


What's the best news of all?  By entering the giveaway, you'll automatically receive 15% off any GingerPop orders you make before August 31st!  Yippee!  More details to come.


Note:  If you have any trouble leaving a comment on the blog, leave a comment on the GingerPop Facebook page instead.  


Looking forward to hearing from you!

Slow Down!

When you're pregnant, you get lots of advice.  The most common piece of wisdom I heard was to really soak up every moment when your child is a baby.  I heard time went by fast.  I nodded my head and thanked them for their thoughts, laughing on the inside.  Especially given the trouble we had even getting pregnant, how could I NOT cherish every moment, big or small, once Harper was finally here?

Then, I blinked my eye and Harper was 8 months old.  I watch teary-eyed as we captured her shakily crawling for the first time.  Then, I stared at the baby monitor as she woke up from a nap and pulled up in her crib.  I told her how to say "ball" and she repeated, "buh, buh, buh."  Looking at recent pictures we've taken, I'm seeing the face of a little girl, not a baby looking back at me.  She's so smart, funny, and beautiful.  All I can think is time slow down!  I can't keep up!


As I do my best to take mental snapshots of Harper and the milestones she's reaching, I'm also marveling at my marriage.  Just this week, we celebrated 7 years!  The same weekend, we celebrated Harlan's first Father's Day.

Life is moving more quickly than I could have imagined, and there's one emotion, a common thread that runs through my mind as I try and wrap my mind around these things:

Thankful.  So, so thankful.

Let me share just a bit of this life God has so blessed me with:

Backyard Swimming Pool Fun

Swimsuit Season

Shopping with our new cart cover.  Thanks for making it, Mema!

First night away from Harper.  Wineries in Fredricksburg.

One of Texas Monthly's Best Burgers on our anniversary trip.  Greasy.  Delicious.

Psalm 139 - The Message

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day.

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
      God, I'll never comprehend them!
   I couldn't even begin to count them—
      any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
   Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!"

Letting Go

Harper Grayce is 7 months old.  I'm still in shock at the rapid pace in which we seem to be running through life right now.  I can't seem to keep this girl a baby.  Here's what Harper can do now:


-Say "momma" and "dada".  It melts my heart.  She's really loud when she talks, and she likes to converse pretty much all day.  Such a girl, right?


-Drink water from a sippy cup.  She loves that cup!

-Eat a wide range of foods.  She hates peas and avacado.  A lot.

-Plank.  She's really close to crawling, and she does this all the time:

Harper was dedicated at church on Mother's Day, which was a really special day for our us.  We were able to stand in front of our church family, as well as our own families, and ask for help in raising our little girl.  It was surreal to publicly give her to back to God.  We know we can never raise this precious one without His help!

Letting Go


I have such a hard time letting go, blog world.  Read my blog, and you'll see.  I have made a commitment to completely wean from pumping by the time Harper's 8 months, and that's literally just a week away.  Pumping has allowed Harper to become such a healthy girl, and it has been so special to provide this food for her, as hard as it has been on me.  I still haven't slept more than 5 hours at a stretch since Harper was born.  My body is very tired.


If I'm really honest, weaning also means coming face to face with reality again.  When the milk dries up, I may come face to face with my infertility.  Will my PCOS rear it's ugly head again?  I just don't know that I'm ready to find out.  I'm so very scared.


All my wants, all my fears, have been rising to the surface.  I want Harper to have a sibling.  I want to be able to have more children.  I want to be normal.


Then, I look at Harper Grayce.  This active, happy, chunky girl in my arms with the most gorgeous blue eyes.  My miracle.

God is faithful.  God is faithful.  God is faithful.  I repeat it every day.  He has never left my side, and He has provided good things.  I hear Him ask me: "Rachel, am I enough for you?  Will you trust me?"


Oh, God.  You are all I need.  So...I'm letting go.  Stepping off the edge of the cliff.  Let the adventure begin.  


Phillipians 4:6-7 (The Message) ^"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Half a Year of Adventures

I have to tell you, blog world.  My baby girl has become quite the mover.  I used to have a little down time to write a blog post, throw in a load of laundry, or maybe eat, but that's getting more and more challenging.  Harper has learned that rolling can get her from A to B very quickly (and it's getting her in to trouble), and she's REALLY trying to crawl.  Her naps have been shorter and shorter (eek), so I apologize that my posts are becoming fewer and further between!

Adventures in Pumping

I also have to say, I'm really proud of myself!  Next week, I will have been pumping for 7 months!  SEVEN MONTHS!  I really can't believe it, and honestly, I'm so sick of it!  I plan on weening over the next few weeks.  It's very bittersweet, but with my freezer stockpile, I know my baby girl will have gotten Momma's Milk for much longer than I could have dreamed.  One night, Harlan and I jokingly decided to calculate how much time I had spent hooked up to the pump.  We calculated based on 6 months of pumping, so now these numbers are even greater.  It's really crazy when you look at it this way:

Pumping 8 times/day x 7 days/week - 52 times
52 x 4 weeks (one month) - 208 times/month
208 x 6 months - 1,248 times
20 minutes/pump session x 1,248 - 24,960 minutes
24,960 divided by 60 minutes (1 hour) - 416 hours
416 hours divided by 24 hours (1 day) - 17.3 days

So, I basically have been pumping for close to 20 days straight, if you were to squish all my pumping sessions together.  20 days, no rest, just sitting at the pump.  Insane.

Over the last 7 months, I have actually gone through 4 pumps.  The first brand I got (before I ever thought I'd be on this journey) broke 3 times.  After 2 replacements, I finally got a refund and purchased a new pump.  Shockingly, I discovered my first pump was really subpar and am actually producing 3+ ounces more with my new pump.  I really couldn't believe it and have been freezing as much as I can as I prepare to ween.  But, enough about pumping!

Family Adventures

We've had some crazy adventures of the past 6+ months of Harper's life.  She's gone from barely fitting into premie clothing to being in the 80th percentile for weight!  We're so proud of how healthy she is.  On top of that, she's such a happy girl.  She's just so content, for the most part, and her smile and laugh still melt me into a puddle every day.  What an undeserved, precious gift she is!

Family adventures are happening all the time as well.  Just this past weekend, we discovered a highway in Georgetown that does not have a gas station for MILES.  How do we know that?  Because we ran out of gas on the way to a company picnic.  Can you imagine being in the middle of nowhere with a baby and your car runs out of gas?  Awful.  Thankfully, we were close to a little business owned by a wonderful couple who helped us out.  We were so grateful!

Harper took her first long car trip to visit her grandparents 2 hours away.  We packed up what seemed like our whole house for a short weekend trip and Harper did great!  Here she is with Big Daddy, her grandfather:

We have also learned that "blow outs" aka poop explosions happen at the most inconvenient times.  Harper had one at Kerby Lane and almost destroyed her car seat.  I wish there was a way to throw an entire car seat into the washing machine...

Baking Adventures

I am still baking!  A lot.  A lot more than I should.  Here are a few of my most recent creations:

Smores Bars - Cooking with My Kid 

I've seen smores cupcakes, cakes, cookies, but I hadn't seen bars before.  I decided to try them out.  Whoa.  They're really yum.

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies - Rodelle

I got some fancy Rodelle Cocoa Powder at the store and browsed through the recipes on their website.  Panera Bread makes delicious crinkle cookies, so I decided to try out a crinkle recipe I found.  I highly recommend making them.  They're different, super easy, and really tasty.

Summer's almost upon us, and we're looking forward to spending a lot of time at the pool.  It's too hot to do anything else!  Thanks for sticking with me and my blogging hiatus!