Monday, January 24, 2011

Dancing in the Minefields

Harlan and I have decided this is our theme song.  If you've been married any length of time, this song probably rings true for you, too.  I highly recommend listening to the whole thing.


My favorite part is this:

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause He promised not to leave us
And His promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

New baking and infertility updates coming soon!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Blessed Controller of All Things

"Oh, the peace of yielding to His ways, His timing, and His will!  When we truly bow before Him as the Blessed Controller of All Things, the small problems that slowly tear us apart and the gigantic ones that crash over us like a tsunami wave do not uproot us.  We are nestled in the Holy One, our refuge...safe and sheltered in the Haven of His wings." - Linda Dillow, Deeper Kind of Calm

I truly don't mean to start each blog post with some profound statement or piece of scripture.  However, each week since the ectopic pregnancy seems to have a theme, something I'm learning about the truth of who God really is.  Because the truth is, shouldn't I be a basket case, totally uprooted, shattered by what has happened?  Yet, I'm not.  I'm heartbroken, but I'm okay.  He is my refuge, in control of this and all other things in my life.  I am beyond grateful for the safety He alone provides. 

Update: By the end of January, I hope to have a laparoscopy to shed some light (hopefully) on what's going on in my innards, and even explain why my pregnancy was ectopic.  It will be my first surgery, so I'm a bit nervous, but I'm also very ready to gain a better understanding of what's going on in my body!

Adoption:  Have you ever heard of this blog?   I'm totally blown away by this precious girl who, in her early twenties, has adopted 13 children.  Please read her blog - it's a great reminder of how faithful our God is.

Baking: I got TWO new aprons for Christmas.  What do you think?  With all the baking I'm doing, they're coming in very handy!




Here's a picture of the precious and teeny-tiny brown sugar muffins I made last week.  Thank you, Allenda.  I have many more plans for my mini-muffin tin.



Our volunteer coordinator at LifeCare had a birthday a few weeks ago and requested something lemony to celebrate.  I searched quite a bit and decided on Lemon Cheesecake Squares.  I have to say, I'm my biggest critic when it comes to the things I make, but these are darn good!  I almost couldn't get these out of the house and to work without gobbling them up.

I used butter instead of shortening for the crust.  In my opinion, cheesecake crust MUST have butter.  Yummy.  Not so good for the waistline - Sorry! 

Lemon Cheesecake Squares



Ingredients
  • 3/4 cup shortening
  • 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup seedless raspberry jam
  • FILLING:
  • 4 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
  • 1 1/2 cups sugar
  • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/3 cup lemon juice
  • 4 teaspoons grated lemon peel

Directions

  1. In a mixing bowl, cream shortening and brown sugar. Combine the flour, oats and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture. Press dough into a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish. bake at 350 degrees F for 15-18 minutes or until golden brown. Spread with jam.
  2. For filling, beat the cream cheese, sugar and flour until fluffy. Add the eggs, lemon juice and peel just until blended. Carefully spoon over jam. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30-35 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack. Cover and store in the refrigerator.  
One Last Thing: I got a pile of cards and letters from a women's small group.  I don't know any of the women who wrote these words of encouragement to me, but it really touched me.  If you're reading this blog, thank you.  I've read them several times since I got them in the mail.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Dusting off the Baking Pans

I had big, grand plans for Christmas baking.  When we found out we were pregnant, all those plans went right out the window. 

Now, I have to big a big girl, hold my head high, and return to the working world.  Today was my first day back after the pregnancy, and it was HARD.  Luckily, I work with some really amazing ladies who made me feel very cared for.  Back to work means back to BAKING!!! 

Last week I made a few things I thought I'd share with you:

Chocolate Chip Scones - Recipe here.

These are really yummy (just ask my husband), and I like that the recipe called for orange juice instead of the typical heavy cream used in most scone recipes.  Here's a picture of how mine turned out.




Apple Pie - Recipe here

I've tried quite a few apple pie recipes, and this one's my favorite.  I don't pour the delicious sauce over the apples, though.  I mix it in with the apples and then pour it into the crust.  Delish.  I think it turned out okay - What do you think?




This week, I thought I'd try out my new mini muffin pan my beautiful mother-in-law (aka Santa) gave me for Christmas.  I've had a hankerin' for something buttery and brown sugary, so what could be better than Brown Sugar Mini Muffins!   

Makes 16 muffins (Click here for full recipe info)

1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup nuts, chopped coarsely

Preheat oven to 375F. Grease or line 16 muffin cups (Or in my case, mini muffin cups).

Combine all ingredients until mixed. Fill prepared muffin cups and bake for 20 minutes or until done.

Tell me your favorite recipe!

I absolutely love trying new baking recipes.  Do you have one you really love?  Share it with me!  I just might take a picture of it and name the recipe after you...


Last thing.  My boss Pam sent me a book called God Calling by A.J. Russell while I was recovering from the ectopic pregnancy.  It's full of little tidbits of wisdom, some of them super simple, but they are excellent reminders of who God is.  Here's an excerpt from today's:

"Be calm, no matter what may befall you.  Rest in Me.  Be patient, and let patience have her perfect work.  Never think things overwhelming.  How can you be overwhelmed when I am with you?"

So true.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

One Day at a Time

One moment at a time...

I always dreamed of the way we'd finally find out we were pregnant.  The joy of telling Harlan the news.  The creative way we'd tell our family and friends.   Awaiting lab results that day, I never thought this is what I'd hear on the phone:  "You're pregnant, but we're very concerned."  Harlan was at work, and I had planned on using this day to spend time alone in prayer, asking God for direction and peace while traveling this road called Infertility.  Instead, I was reduced to a crying mess, unsure of how this could be happening, just 4 days before Christmas.

The next week was filled with more lab tests, ultrasounds, and somehow Christmas happened in there, too.  It is a total blur, as if Christmas came and went without me this year.  On the 27th, we finally got the news:  My pregnancy was ectopic.

We prayed fervently against an ectopic pregnancy.  We prayed for a miracle to occur.  Little Elam decided to take up residency in my fallopian tube instead of my uterus, which is extremely dangerous and sometimes fatal if left untreated.   Thankfully, we caught it before I would have to have surgery, but that day we said goodbye to our little one.  A good friend reminded me that we have much to be thankful for.  Little Elam never had to experience the grief or sorrow this world can bring.  He/she is now resting safely in the arms of Jesus.

I thought about ending the blog.  Too hard to write this stuff down.  However, someone else out there might be going through this very thing right now.  I hope that by sharing, someone else may feel a little less alone.  I heard this song last night and was immediately reduced to a crying mess again (Sorry for the cheesy YouTube video, but I wanted you to see the words).



Running to Jesus is all I can do right now.   At this point, it's more like crawling for me.  I know He's there in the midst of it, whether I can feel it or not.  As my precious friend Kristine says, "Thank you, Lord, that faith is not a feeling."

So, we welcome in 2011.  Each day, I feel a bit more hope begin to poke its way through the ashes...

"You did it: you changed wild lament
      into whirling dance;
   You ripped off my black mourning band
      and decked me with wildflowers.
   I'm about to burst with song;
      I can't keep quiet about you.
   God, my God,
      I can't thank you enough."

Psalm 30:11 was shared with me by so many friends and family members that I thought I'd share it with you (I like The Message version).   I look forward to exchanging my weeping for laughing and mourning for dancing.  One day at a time...